Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
