she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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