He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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