How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Randomize
