Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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