She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
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