We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
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