After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
