i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
