She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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