What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
