do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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