girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Randomize