So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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