Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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