if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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