Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
