My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
