I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
