i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Randomize
