if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
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