Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
He is an equal opportunity slut.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
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