I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
