i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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