If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
