I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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