he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
