wat bout pragnant strippers??
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
