U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Randomize
