I hope mine doesn't look like that
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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