i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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