I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
