I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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