i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
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