It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
