Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
