NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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