Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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