We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
