My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Randomize
