Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Randomize
