i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
