Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Randomize