i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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