He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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