Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
