i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
He felt like a one man threesome
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
