Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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