hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
