I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize