Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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