I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
