If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
