u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
How external is "for external use only"?
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
