I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
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