You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
your room smells of hookers.
And success
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
