I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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