Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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