sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
