p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
