i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
