I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
