I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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