How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
