Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
