Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize