if i can run in heels then i can drive
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
