I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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