oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
