I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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