Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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