Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
a search helicopter?!
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
