break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
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